… that we don’t always admit.
1. Pack things you will never, ever need
A beach holiday in 40 degree heat, you say? Better have an emergency jumper at hand. Or what if you randomly decide to go to a nightclub in this tiny, quiet fishing village? Then you’ll wish you’d packed the second pair of heels. Or you might all of a sudden fancy wearing the necklace you bought four years ago for a night out and haven’t looked at since. What if the mood takes you? WHAT THEN? Better safe than sorry you decide, and pack the entire collection.
2. Drink alcohol at the airport at any time of day or night
So what that it’s 5am on a Tuesday morning and the bartender is eyeing you disapprovingly – you’re on holiday! This also applies to the trip home – technically still on holiday.
3. Diet for months and then eat like a horse the second you land
The 5:2 diet’s been going well, you’ve lost six pounds and you’ve finally been able to squeeze into last year’s denim cut offs – hurrah! But now you’re on holiday and it’s time to let loose. Two days in, four pina coladas, a carafe of wine and six hearty meals down, and you’re back to square one. At least you felt good on the plane.
4. Pray there will be sunshine when you open the curtains
Let’s face it – other than to relax and catch up on a bit of reading, you come on a beach holiday to tan (safely of course – as Bas would say, always wear sunscreen). It hasn’t rained in the resort for seven and a half weeks and the forecast is brilliant sun for the next month, yet each morning you hold your breath and pray for sun behind those curtains.
5. Check out other women on the beach
You could be comparing anything – tan lines, boob size, attractiveness of boyfriend, choice of drink… you name it. Are you sweatier/more dimpled/less tanned? There’s a lot to deliberate when you’re lying on a sunbed with not a care in the world (except for the fact that your tan is far patchier than hers). In fact, let’s not limit it to women – you’re nosey when it comes to anyone at the beach.
6. Make sure there is always someone further out than you in the sea so that a shark would go for them over you
Always thinking strategically whilst in the water, you ensure there is someone further from the shore than you at all times, just in case a Great White decides to make an appearance. Yes, it’s the Mediterranean and they don’t really get sharks, but you’d rather the chap swimming further out found out about it first if one did appear.
7. Check your tan lines in the bathroom mirror
What is it about bathroom mirrors? In every apartment in every resort you’ve ever been to, you look ten times darker in the bathroom mirror after a long day at the beach. Step out of the shower, check out your tan, continue.
8. Take balcony outfit photos in the ‘flattering evening light’
In the same vein, your tan also looks much deeper just before sunset so you take this opportunity to snap away on the balcony before dinner. The same pose every night in a carefully curated outfit, designed to bring out your darkening colour the most effectively. Everybody does it – and only the best will make it into the holiday Facebook album.
9. Detest using sun cream on a sandy beach
Annoyance sets in as you attempt to rub sun cream into your slightly pink and incredibly sandy skin. The more you rub the more sand covers your body, in a never-ending fight to keep the tiny particles from the bottle of Garnier. Will it ever come off? It’s not rubbing off. You’re starting to panic.
10. Silently curse people who left their towels out on beds before breakfast
Mainly because you forgot to do it yourself this morning. How selfish of them.
How many of these are you guilty of?